Personal Retreat

I need a personal retreat.

During the last few days, I've really hungered for a personal retreat. Don't get me wrong, I love my job and the people that are in my life. But...sometimes, you just need to be alone to process, rethink things, be refreshed. Am I right? Well, the week subbing ended okay. After classes on Saturday, I stayed at the office and got organized and finished paperwork. I then remembered that a woman at my church had given me an invitation for a special worship service they were doing on Saturday night from 5-7 p.m. What was neat about this worship service was that you could come and go as you please, worship through song or artwork, journal, rest, pray, etc. It was wonderful. I arrived an hour late and by the time it ended I thought, Really? It's over already?

I need a personal retreat with God.

Today after church I met a friend for lunch and then decided to go to downtown Noblesville to a coffee shop. I brought my Bible, a good book, and two of my journals -- ready to regroup. I ended up calling my dad and sister and all of the emotions and elements of the future that are unsure just came rushing out through tears. I love them. They were such great listeners. They didn't act like they knew everything. They didn't try to conquer the conversation with all of their "experience." Dad just simply said, "Just one step at a time" and with that, peace. After a while, the conversation changed and my eyes dried; Kristen and I chatted for three hours! I am noticing her changing more and more. She is such a beautiful person, and the result of pain is making her more and more beautiful. It was GREAT to talk to her. I parked my car and walked around the quaint little town, describing the old brick buildings and little shops, sipping my coffee, reading the historical markers on some of the older buildings. My younger sister joined our conversation, too, and the three of us had such a blast chatting together. I cannot tell you how much I miss them. Even though I had a great time walking around and catching up with my sisters, I didn't leave feeling inwardly, personally renewed.

When I think about being refreshed, I usually see myself in a serene setting first-- whether it is outside underneath a tree during the summer months, in a window seat with a great book during a rainstorm, in my grandmother's spare bedroom, or in a bathtub of bubbles surrounded by vanilla candles. You may picture a spa in the mountains, a cozy nap on the couch, a walk in the woods...All of those pictures are great and believe me, I've had lots of outdoor walks and returned feeling completely refreshed. However, those alone are incomplete pictures of what being refreshed looks like. They are missing something. If God isn't present -- no, if God isn't communed with...then I usually don't leave being refreshed. The place is just the whipped cream, the topping, the desert. But being with God, communing with Him, seeking what He wants, listening and obeying...that is the main course.

Through both of these experiences, I felt like the settings were perfect, but I didn't fully get what my heart needed. And even though I was able to sleep in this morning because we didn't have worship or choir practice, the extra sleep refreshes my body -- but my heart still needs to be refreshed. When I was in China (this exact time last year), I remember being miserable and anxious because of the circumstances. Now that I reflect back on those experiences, I remember God bringing me various pictures throughout the day that brought me such sweet peace. Memories of being with my cousin, Valerie, in Mesick and Frankfurt. Pictures of friends, family, our farm, times of comfort, my dad. God also brought me several of my favorite movie soundtracks that also helped me to remember the times of peace before. So, pictures and music are indeed important. God sometimes brings pictures to our minds to remind us of His goodness and instances in the past where He has come through and shown Himself faithful. The pictures themselves without God don't do anything -- but they had significance because God gave them significance! The only true refreshment I can find will be in the presence of God.

I still need a personal retreat with God. I know it is coming soon. While I wait, I will be faithful.

Much love to you, my Readers...