This past weekend, I had the privilege of staying with my music pastor's teenage daughter while they made a quick trip to Pennsylvania. I was super excited when they called me earlier in the week. I love these kinds of things. I love being able to spend time getting to know teens and seeing who God is to them. Well, lately I've been hearing about God's Humor...and the first night I stayed at their home, I experienced it first hand. Oh, me and my absent-mind. I forgot my contact case and solution. But, of course, I didn't realize this until I was exhausted and ready for bed. So I started to pray. And pray. And pray. At first I thought about filling plastic cups up with my eye drops that I had and covering them with plastic wrap. But then I wasn't sure if the amount of eye drop liquid I had would do the trick. I sat on the bed and prayed. God, I have to work tomorrow. If I sleep in my contacts, it will make life horrible at work tomorrow and I won't be as quick with management because I will be distracted. God, is there something that you can do? And suddenly, my eyes were drawn to a basket of plastic Easter eggs. Perfect! I jumped up and attended the basket, pawing over each of the eggs and trying to find two eggs that didn't have pre-cut holes in them. Finally I found two and just started singing praises between my chuckles. What a funny idea! And it worked!! So to God's credit, His brilliant mind and humorous way of getting me out of my own self-inflicted predicament solve my little issue. He knew EGG-zactly what I needed!
I've been finding more and more things to pray about as I've been making more changes recently, the big life changes. Signing a lease. Taking a completely different job slightly unrelated to my degree. Learning to communicate specifically what I'm thinking without assuming that others can read my mind. Trusting God for my needs, like a bed. Night stands. A Dresser. All these things and more, He will supply in His timing. His Holy Spirit has cautioned me to not make quick decisions without asking, and I've failed some of the tests. He knows my needs. It's been amazing to look back on the entries that He has inspired in this blog and see how He has come through and provided. With the big move this weekend, I feel like I am walking behind plate glass while the What-If spirit tries to whisper lies and get me worried and anxious about the move. I need Papa's Spirit. I need to just climb up on His lap. Why does it take so much for me to trust Him sometimes? It's crazy that I can have great experiences like my story about the Easter eggs above and then share that other parts of my life haven't found that resting place in His arms because I'm listening too closely to the opposing side and I'm not actively replacing those lies with truth. God, I need your grace and mercy in this.
Dear readers, I need your prayers and I need you to help me praise God with grateful hearts. He has done so much! I don't want to get stuck in the mire of self-pity or insecurity or anxiety. I want to keep walking forward with my head held in view of His face.
All His love,
Mary
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Humorous Animals
I don't know what it is lately with Llamas that just plain crack me up!
"Hardy Har, get my best smile on right here"Journey of Prayer...
Father,
Thank you so much that I can come to you on all occassions, with all types of prayers. This morning, my prayers are full of thanksgiving and giving you the concerns of my life. God, I think of my aunts and uncles and cousins whom you've provided for, lead and blessed. God, thank you for their testimonies. Their lives haven't been easy by any stretch, but you've given them peace. Thank you that your peace that passes all understanding accompanies us when we put our will in your hands, sacrificing our own ways. Thank you that when we turn to you, choosing your will, that you really do guide us and bless us.
Father, I've been thinking about that full-time teaching job that I've prayed about for a while now. God, I know that it will fall into my lap at the right time and that you will line up all of the circumstances. Help me to trust you during this time, show me exactly what steps of action I do need to take, and prepare me for that time when you are leading me to a classroom of my own. God, I keep getting excited, I keep seeing the need for mentors and teachers who are more than teachers, I keep thinking of fun activities for students to complete, I keep hearing conversations taking place after school with young girls who just need love and encouragement. I keep feeling that desire that you've placed there. At the same time, I see my weaknesses. But I know that those are all strengths in your eyes. Thank you for that, God! Thank you for how you've lead me.
And God, help me to not overlook my students at present now! At the Language Training Center, I encounter young and old students who all need you. God, they need your love and peace, but most importantly, they need your forgiveness. Please God, make me a living testimony - make me a vessel, a lighthouse, just something that will point them to you. Please help me to be intentional about sharing you with them. Why wouldn't I? You definitely didn't intend for me to be silent about what you've done for me. Please be with little *Rebecca, *Naiomi, *Samuel, *Anna, *Brigette, *Mr. Sidney, and *Max. And please bless my bosses. God, I know that some of them want to please you. For those that don't, please speak to their hearts through the love of their colleagues and the circumstances in their lives. God, thank you for them. Bless their leadership. Please help me to be a true blessing in their lives as well. Help me to be a diligent teacher. Thank you, God! You've provided wonderfully! I love my job there! It has been such a good transition for me.
God, I love you. Papa, I need you. Almighty Counselor, show me the way and I will follow.
Aren't His names powerful?
I ask all of this in Jesus name with faith. Amen.
Thank you so much that I can come to you on all occassions, with all types of prayers. This morning, my prayers are full of thanksgiving and giving you the concerns of my life. God, I think of my aunts and uncles and cousins whom you've provided for, lead and blessed. God, thank you for their testimonies. Their lives haven't been easy by any stretch, but you've given them peace. Thank you that your peace that passes all understanding accompanies us when we put our will in your hands, sacrificing our own ways. Thank you that when we turn to you, choosing your will, that you really do guide us and bless us.
Father, I've been thinking about that full-time teaching job that I've prayed about for a while now. God, I know that it will fall into my lap at the right time and that you will line up all of the circumstances. Help me to trust you during this time, show me exactly what steps of action I do need to take, and prepare me for that time when you are leading me to a classroom of my own. God, I keep getting excited, I keep seeing the need for mentors and teachers who are more than teachers, I keep thinking of fun activities for students to complete, I keep hearing conversations taking place after school with young girls who just need love and encouragement. I keep feeling that desire that you've placed there. At the same time, I see my weaknesses. But I know that those are all strengths in your eyes. Thank you for that, God! Thank you for how you've lead me.
And God, help me to not overlook my students at present now! At the Language Training Center, I encounter young and old students who all need you. God, they need your love and peace, but most importantly, they need your forgiveness. Please God, make me a living testimony - make me a vessel, a lighthouse, just something that will point them to you. Please help me to be intentional about sharing you with them. Why wouldn't I? You definitely didn't intend for me to be silent about what you've done for me. Please be with little *Rebecca, *Naiomi, *Samuel, *Anna, *Brigette, *Mr. Sidney, and *Max. And please bless my bosses. God, I know that some of them want to please you. For those that don't, please speak to their hearts through the love of their colleagues and the circumstances in their lives. God, thank you for them. Bless their leadership. Please help me to be a true blessing in their lives as well. Help me to be a diligent teacher. Thank you, God! You've provided wonderfully! I love my job there! It has been such a good transition for me.
God, I love you. Papa, I need you. Almighty Counselor, show me the way and I will follow.
Aren't His names powerful?
I ask all of this in Jesus name with faith. Amen.
And My God Shall Supply All of Your Needs...
On Sunday, I signed the lease for the house. Pictures will soon be posted, if you haven't seen them already on facebook. I am super excited, but also in prayer about a summer job. I stepped out in faith, truly feeling like this is what I am supposed to do, and today, I am waiting for a very important phone call from a potential employer. I may be nannying, which I am really hoping and praying for. The neat thing is that I would technically be employed by a daycare service and could put that on my resume as educational experience (and the parents have asked for me to do some morning instruction with their children). The only tilting point for this decision is whether or not I can stay long term. If it is God's will, then yes. If not, God knows my needs. I was offered a permanent subbing position next year, so who knows? This daycare job would actually pay more, with consistent hours. Please pray with me for God's will. Especially now that I have signed the lease and will be responsible for this house for at least the next six months...I know that God will never leave me without. I have felt Him say this to me personally. Please pray that I would honor God today with my trust.
Thank you!
Thank you!
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Yoked and Right Beside You
I am so excited to share with all of you that I will be signing my very first lease on Sunday, April 18! I have never signed one, so initially I am a little nervous. It has been really awesome to see how God has showed me that this is what He wants. As I've been praying about this, God has been leading me to various devotionals, individuals, and verses. All have seemed to be pointing towards making that next big step to move out. It would be easy to stay with the family that I'm living with. However, the Lord has provided a little more and if you remember my IT JUST SO HAPPENS entries, it is evident that God has truly been a part of this.
Monday of this week, I prayed A LOT. It was so awesome. I hadn't fasted in a while (and please don't see this as me bragging -- God is SO good to me), but felt it was necessary because the decision is so important. It was great because as soon as I decided to fast for lunch that day, it was like God hightened my spirit to His spirit -- and before hunger or any other pain set in -- His spirit was already ministering to me! I felt like I was able to worship with more freedom and trust. Then, when I got to school, I spent my extra time with Him. I read several devotionals from Oswald Chambers (which I used to do a lot), and all of them had to do with trusting in Him, walking with Him, relying on His provision. It was AWESOME! I also want to share a picture that I got while I was reflecting over the devotionals. As I read, one of the scriptures had to do with casting your cares on Him and rolling your burdens onto Him. As I thought about doing that, I thought about God's yoke. His yoke is easy and burden is light. Then I saw in my mind's eye a yoke, like oxen would wear as they were plowing the field described in the Bible. I saw myself and Jesus yoked together and I felt like He was telling me a few things: We are in this together, I am walking right beside you. As you wait for an earthly Love, I am here - I'm all you really need and I am molding you to be equally yoked with me.
It was really neat to have that picture in my mind as I added up the pros and cons and tried to weight them out. God has been so faithful to miraculously provide for me! Thank you, Papa!
After the devotionals, I met a really awesome Art teacher that I was supposed to sub for. His meeting was on Friday, so I didn't need to be in his class for the block, but he invited me to stay. I saw that he had a Bible on one of the tables next to his desk. I told him that was great that he had it there and we ended up sitting on stools in the back of his room talking about God while his students worked on their illustrations. Two of the most influential things he shared in those moments were when he shared his testimony with me and the fact that sometimes we can focus on such minute prayers and requests -- when really God has so much more that He wants us to ask for. Half way through his testimony, my eyes got misty and he asked if I was okay. Haha. Yes, I am doing just great. I really needed to hear the words of his testimony, "So many people think that if you become a Christian, you have to give up so many things. In reality, it isn't what you give up, but what you gain!" -- hearing him at that point was so comforting.
And that was all before lunch!
Then lunch arrived and I settled into the driver's seat of my car with my juice and the book, Hinds' Feet on High Places, an allegory about a girl named Much-Afraid who goes with the Chief Shepherd to the High Places. I prayed and listened to the radio -- it was awesome how God accompanied me all day long before lunch. I expected that lunch time would be when I refocus and come to God, but God and I had already been together all day! It was wonderful.
My classes went really well for the rest of the day and when supper came, I was truly thankful for how God had been so faithful to me earlier that day. I called my parents after work and told them about my tentative plans. I wasn't sure how they would react even though they told me that moving would be healthy. When I first told dad about it a little over a month ago, he warned me to pray about it and not to rush into anything. I really appreciate him. What he said moved me to prayer. So, I called my parents and had them put me on speaker phone so everyone could hear my announcement (which was cool, too, because my older cousin, Bethany was there - and she and Val has been like the older sisters I never had. So it was really neat to have her there). My parents were excited for me and excited to see what God does with this.
After chatting with my parents, which went so well, I met my soon-to-be roommate at a local park and took a walk with her. That was really fun. I feel like I can really be myself around her. Praise God! We had a great time talking and getting to know each other more. God, please bless this friendship.
So, as I will be phasing into this chapter (Yay!), I am continuing to pray and give thanks for what God has done. A radio announcer asked in her prayer the other day that we would be careful to give Him praise for what He has done. Help me to be careful, Lord. This is you stepping in, being my Holy Husband, providing and protecting. God, you are so good to me. As I reflect back on last year's heartaches and trials with China, I can now see how you have used it and how much I needed to go through it. You have made Plan B look like Plan A -- who would've known? Who could've planned like that? It was so difficult, but you stepped in and defended me. I am not ashamed but thankful for what you allowed me to go through. Throughout the entirety of this past year, I have learned one of the most valuable lessons: that I really can trust you. God, I committ this next move into your hands. I committ my friendship with my soon-to-be roommate, my life and my decisions to you. I am relying on your grace and mercy. I cannot do anything without you and I don't want to! Please provide a long-term teaching job for me in your timing and help me to be diligent with the students you've given me now. I want to serve you and I know you are calling me to be a classroom teacher, K-12. God, I give that to you. It is in your timing and according to your plan.
Monday of this week, I prayed A LOT. It was so awesome. I hadn't fasted in a while (and please don't see this as me bragging -- God is SO good to me), but felt it was necessary because the decision is so important. It was great because as soon as I decided to fast for lunch that day, it was like God hightened my spirit to His spirit -- and before hunger or any other pain set in -- His spirit was already ministering to me! I felt like I was able to worship with more freedom and trust. Then, when I got to school, I spent my extra time with Him. I read several devotionals from Oswald Chambers (which I used to do a lot), and all of them had to do with trusting in Him, walking with Him, relying on His provision. It was AWESOME! I also want to share a picture that I got while I was reflecting over the devotionals. As I read, one of the scriptures had to do with casting your cares on Him and rolling your burdens onto Him. As I thought about doing that, I thought about God's yoke. His yoke is easy and burden is light. Then I saw in my mind's eye a yoke, like oxen would wear as they were plowing the field described in the Bible. I saw myself and Jesus yoked together and I felt like He was telling me a few things: We are in this together, I am walking right beside you. As you wait for an earthly Love, I am here - I'm all you really need and I am molding you to be equally yoked with me.
It was really neat to have that picture in my mind as I added up the pros and cons and tried to weight them out. God has been so faithful to miraculously provide for me! Thank you, Papa!
After the devotionals, I met a really awesome Art teacher that I was supposed to sub for. His meeting was on Friday, so I didn't need to be in his class for the block, but he invited me to stay. I saw that he had a Bible on one of the tables next to his desk. I told him that was great that he had it there and we ended up sitting on stools in the back of his room talking about God while his students worked on their illustrations. Two of the most influential things he shared in those moments were when he shared his testimony with me and the fact that sometimes we can focus on such minute prayers and requests -- when really God has so much more that He wants us to ask for. Half way through his testimony, my eyes got misty and he asked if I was okay. Haha. Yes, I am doing just great. I really needed to hear the words of his testimony, "So many people think that if you become a Christian, you have to give up so many things. In reality, it isn't what you give up, but what you gain!" -- hearing him at that point was so comforting.
And that was all before lunch!
Then lunch arrived and I settled into the driver's seat of my car with my juice and the book, Hinds' Feet on High Places, an allegory about a girl named Much-Afraid who goes with the Chief Shepherd to the High Places. I prayed and listened to the radio -- it was awesome how God accompanied me all day long before lunch. I expected that lunch time would be when I refocus and come to God, but God and I had already been together all day! It was wonderful.
My classes went really well for the rest of the day and when supper came, I was truly thankful for how God had been so faithful to me earlier that day. I called my parents after work and told them about my tentative plans. I wasn't sure how they would react even though they told me that moving would be healthy. When I first told dad about it a little over a month ago, he warned me to pray about it and not to rush into anything. I really appreciate him. What he said moved me to prayer. So, I called my parents and had them put me on speaker phone so everyone could hear my announcement (which was cool, too, because my older cousin, Bethany was there - and she and Val has been like the older sisters I never had. So it was really neat to have her there). My parents were excited for me and excited to see what God does with this.
After chatting with my parents, which went so well, I met my soon-to-be roommate at a local park and took a walk with her. That was really fun. I feel like I can really be myself around her. Praise God! We had a great time talking and getting to know each other more. God, please bless this friendship.
So, as I will be phasing into this chapter (Yay!), I am continuing to pray and give thanks for what God has done. A radio announcer asked in her prayer the other day that we would be careful to give Him praise for what He has done. Help me to be careful, Lord. This is you stepping in, being my Holy Husband, providing and protecting. God, you are so good to me. As I reflect back on last year's heartaches and trials with China, I can now see how you have used it and how much I needed to go through it. You have made Plan B look like Plan A -- who would've known? Who could've planned like that? It was so difficult, but you stepped in and defended me. I am not ashamed but thankful for what you allowed me to go through. Throughout the entirety of this past year, I have learned one of the most valuable lessons: that I really can trust you. God, I committ this next move into your hands. I committ my friendship with my soon-to-be roommate, my life and my decisions to you. I am relying on your grace and mercy. I cannot do anything without you and I don't want to! Please provide a long-term teaching job for me in your timing and help me to be diligent with the students you've given me now. I want to serve you and I know you are calling me to be a classroom teacher, K-12. God, I give that to you. It is in your timing and according to your plan.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Decisions, Decisions, Decisions...
"This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us - whatever we ask - we know that we have what we asked of him" (1 John 5:14-15).
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:6-7).
"…The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective" (James 5:16).
"And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints" (Ephesians 6:18).
"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express" (Romans 8:26).
"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus" (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18).
"Have faith in God,' Jesus answered. 'I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, "Go, throw yourself into the sea," and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins'" (Mark 11:22-25).
I may be perhaps entering a new chapter of my life very soon. About a month ago, I posted some "IT JUST SO HAPPENS" entries which were circumstances that God had chosen to step in and show me His miraculous hand. Well, one of those very situations may be taking a turn that will change a lot of things for me. While I am praying about the situation, I am just hoping, hoping, hoping to make the right decision. It is a big step to move to a new place. Please be praying that I make the wisest decision. There are so many factors to consider, mostly with finances and where my career is headed.
Lord, I will move forward until you shut the door or show me which turn to take. God, I need your presence and direction. I want to be where you want me.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:6-7).
"…The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective" (James 5:16).
"And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints" (Ephesians 6:18).
"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express" (Romans 8:26).
"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus" (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18).
"Have faith in God,' Jesus answered. 'I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, "Go, throw yourself into the sea," and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins'" (Mark 11:22-25).
I may be perhaps entering a new chapter of my life very soon. About a month ago, I posted some "IT JUST SO HAPPENS" entries which were circumstances that God had chosen to step in and show me His miraculous hand. Well, one of those very situations may be taking a turn that will change a lot of things for me. While I am praying about the situation, I am just hoping, hoping, hoping to make the right decision. It is a big step to move to a new place. Please be praying that I make the wisest decision. There are so many factors to consider, mostly with finances and where my career is headed.
Lord, I will move forward until you shut the door or show me which turn to take. God, I need your presence and direction. I want to be where you want me.
Monday, April 5, 2010
Forecast: Cloudy With a Guarentee of Hope
Forecast: Cloudy with a chance of hope
This past week, Passion Week, I read 1 Peter through twice and the thing that stuck out to me the most was this "living hope" that we are born into through faith. The Saturday before Palm Sunday, I went to this really cool Creative-Artists Worship time at the house of some of my friends and the theme was "Hope". Hope can be defined two ways: 1) something wished for, and 2) something counted on or believed in, as fact. One of my friends commented that for the world, hope is the first definition. They hope for a great car or kids or an amazing job. But as Christians, we need to operate out of the second definition.
The last two weeks have been rather rough. I've felt homesick and alone, without anyone to just know what is going on in my heart without saying a word. I don't mind sharing what is going on with others, but after a while, I get sick of talking. There is a hunger in my heart to just be understood. During this time, it has also been easy to confuse my spiritual needs with my desires. Because I feel homesick and alone, I confuse that at times with a desire to be married; and that is simply not what God has for me right now. So then, if I jump on the "I want a Husband" train and choose to focus my mind on that instead of Jesus, I open my mind to daydreaming and am quick to believe in satan's lies that because it hasn't happened, it won't ever happen, that I am ugly, that I would be a terrible wife, and all of those other lies that cause my soul unnecessary strife and anxiety. It becomes this massive twisted train track of emotions and lies -- that really have nothing to do with right now and my number one need: God and His presence. God desires for me to rest in Him. My mind knows that, but my heart needs to know it.
I love the area that I've moved to and the church community that God has allowed me to become a part of; but it has been hard not having someone on a daily basis to confide in and share companionship with. In college, it is amazing -- you are surrounded with hundreds of people your own age going through exactly what you are going through. My roommates and I were sisters. Even here, I have two cousins and a growing circle of friends -- but it isn't enough.
My Grandma said that God wants me to lean on Him, that He's prepared special things He wants me to do, and what I am learning now will be so important for later -- learning to be content with Jesus, only Jesus.
When I really think about it...I do have someone to confide in and share companionship. Duh, Christian. You have someone -- and not just any someone -- but Jesus to confide in. Oh, it sounds so cliche. That's because this is what we're told, what we hear -- What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear...I thought I already learned to confide in Him, but I guess I've been relying so much on others to fill me and help me lately that I've forgotten the true and lasting Source. I mean, I talk to God on a daily basis, but I don't always wait on Him or really spend time listening. According to His word, God already sees and knows me deeply. Even with a blessed church community, why do I always go to others? Dear readers, I confess I need your prayers. I want to go to God for my everything, not just when I need something. God hasn't done anything wrong; it's me. Mental picture: a woman beggard holding out an empty cup. No amount of anything else will do except Jesus.
As I reflect on where I am right now, I have this mental image of the sun. Last week we saw a lot of it! I even managed to get a sunburn on my spring break! In INDIANA! In April!! As I think about it, God is like the Sun and it's rays. The Sun and it's light are always there, but sometimes the weathering circumstances or my feelings can distract me from the Sun and the fact that it is my Source for life. I don't always see the Sun and feel it's warmth. The beauty of sunrays shooting through large puffy clouds never seems to change; it's like the sunrays have personality -- their efforts are always to shoot downward towards earth. Sometimes, a storm comes and it may be a few hours before daylight seems like reality again. This happens upon takeoff in a plane. You breeze through layers of clouds and sometimes thunderstorms, but on top of all of that -- you always have beautiful blue skies and clouds. A thunderstorm could be raging on beneath, but the perfect blue sky and Sun still remain. I have to remember the truth and the Source through these times. His truth and presence are ALWAYS there, regardless of the circumstances and what I may be feeling or experiencing. Jesus never promised that it would be easy -- whether it is me forgetting that He is my Source or trials coming my way. Just as there is a 40% chance of rain showers today, I have a 100% guarentee of His living Hope.
David went through this, too, "Why so downcast, Oh my Soul? Put your hope in God for I will yet praise Him". "I will YET" -- which means that I can anticipate God's hand in my life, which has been so evident already!
I haven't gotten all of this figured out yet and I need to spend time with him. I remember a card that my roommate put on my desk one time when we were in college. It said something like, "Bask in God's presence today like a cat in the sunlight, and don't be afraid to even get a little sunburnt!" Ha! What a thought!
This past week, Passion Week, I read 1 Peter through twice and the thing that stuck out to me the most was this "living hope" that we are born into through faith. The Saturday before Palm Sunday, I went to this really cool Creative-Artists Worship time at the house of some of my friends and the theme was "Hope". Hope can be defined two ways: 1) something wished for, and 2) something counted on or believed in, as fact. One of my friends commented that for the world, hope is the first definition. They hope for a great car or kids or an amazing job. But as Christians, we need to operate out of the second definition.
The last two weeks have been rather rough. I've felt homesick and alone, without anyone to just know what is going on in my heart without saying a word. I don't mind sharing what is going on with others, but after a while, I get sick of talking. There is a hunger in my heart to just be understood. During this time, it has also been easy to confuse my spiritual needs with my desires. Because I feel homesick and alone, I confuse that at times with a desire to be married; and that is simply not what God has for me right now. So then, if I jump on the "I want a Husband" train and choose to focus my mind on that instead of Jesus, I open my mind to daydreaming and am quick to believe in satan's lies that because it hasn't happened, it won't ever happen, that I am ugly, that I would be a terrible wife, and all of those other lies that cause my soul unnecessary strife and anxiety. It becomes this massive twisted train track of emotions and lies -- that really have nothing to do with right now and my number one need: God and His presence. God desires for me to rest in Him. My mind knows that, but my heart needs to know it.
I love the area that I've moved to and the church community that God has allowed me to become a part of; but it has been hard not having someone on a daily basis to confide in and share companionship with. In college, it is amazing -- you are surrounded with hundreds of people your own age going through exactly what you are going through. My roommates and I were sisters. Even here, I have two cousins and a growing circle of friends -- but it isn't enough.
My Grandma said that God wants me to lean on Him, that He's prepared special things He wants me to do, and what I am learning now will be so important for later -- learning to be content with Jesus, only Jesus.
When I really think about it...I do have someone to confide in and share companionship. Duh, Christian. You have someone -- and not just any someone -- but Jesus to confide in. Oh, it sounds so cliche. That's because this is what we're told, what we hear -- What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear...I thought I already learned to confide in Him, but I guess I've been relying so much on others to fill me and help me lately that I've forgotten the true and lasting Source. I mean, I talk to God on a daily basis, but I don't always wait on Him or really spend time listening. According to His word, God already sees and knows me deeply. Even with a blessed church community, why do I always go to others? Dear readers, I confess I need your prayers. I want to go to God for my everything, not just when I need something. God hasn't done anything wrong; it's me. Mental picture: a woman beggard holding out an empty cup. No amount of anything else will do except Jesus.
As I reflect on where I am right now, I have this mental image of the sun. Last week we saw a lot of it! I even managed to get a sunburn on my spring break! In INDIANA! In April!! As I think about it, God is like the Sun and it's rays. The Sun and it's light are always there, but sometimes the weathering circumstances or my feelings can distract me from the Sun and the fact that it is my Source for life. I don't always see the Sun and feel it's warmth. The beauty of sunrays shooting through large puffy clouds never seems to change; it's like the sunrays have personality -- their efforts are always to shoot downward towards earth. Sometimes, a storm comes and it may be a few hours before daylight seems like reality again. This happens upon takeoff in a plane. You breeze through layers of clouds and sometimes thunderstorms, but on top of all of that -- you always have beautiful blue skies and clouds. A thunderstorm could be raging on beneath, but the perfect blue sky and Sun still remain. I have to remember the truth and the Source through these times. His truth and presence are ALWAYS there, regardless of the circumstances and what I may be feeling or experiencing. Jesus never promised that it would be easy -- whether it is me forgetting that He is my Source or trials coming my way. Just as there is a 40% chance of rain showers today, I have a 100% guarentee of His living Hope.
David went through this, too, "Why so downcast, Oh my Soul? Put your hope in God for I will yet praise Him". "I will YET" -- which means that I can anticipate God's hand in my life, which has been so evident already!
I haven't gotten all of this figured out yet and I need to spend time with him. I remember a card that my roommate put on my desk one time when we were in college. It said something like, "Bask in God's presence today like a cat in the sunlight, and don't be afraid to even get a little sunburnt!" Ha! What a thought!
Thursday, April 1, 2010
New Adventures!
So, these days I am endeavoring to learn new things, test the rapids, and ha!, I am learning to cook. Surprisingly, I did a decent job for my first gourmet meal! Cheese souffles, Italian bread, and Coconut pie -- all homemade! Even though I missed getting pictures of the process, here are a few snapshots I was able to get...
I am also endeavoring to explore the great state of Indiana now that the weather is AMAZING! And, going with friends is always the best! Here is a snapshot of Beth and I heading to Mounds State Park to do some hiking. (More pictures on the next post)
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