Forecast: Cloudy With a Guarentee of Hope

Forecast: Cloudy with a chance of hope

This past week, Passion Week, I read 1 Peter through twice and the thing that stuck out to me the most was this "living hope" that we are born into through faith. The Saturday before Palm Sunday, I went to this really cool Creative-Artists Worship time at the house of some of my friends and the theme was "Hope". Hope can be defined two ways: 1) something wished for, and 2) something counted on or believed in, as fact. One of my friends commented that for the world, hope is the first definition. They hope for a great car or kids or an amazing job. But as Christians, we need to operate out of the second definition.

The last two weeks have been rather rough. I've felt homesick and alone, without anyone to just know what is going on in my heart without saying a word. I don't mind sharing what is going on with others, but after a while, I get sick of talking. There is a hunger in my heart to just be understood. During this time, it has also been easy to confuse my spiritual needs with my desires. Because I feel homesick and alone, I confuse that at times with a desire to be married; and that is simply not what God has for me right now. So then, if I jump on the "I want a Husband" train and choose to focus my mind on that instead of Jesus, I open my mind to daydreaming and am quick to believe in satan's lies that because it hasn't happened, it won't ever happen, that I am ugly, that I would be a terrible wife, and all of those other lies that cause my soul unnecessary strife and anxiety. It becomes this massive twisted train track of emotions and lies -- that really have nothing to do with right now and my number one need: God and His presence. God desires for me to rest in Him. My mind knows that, but my heart needs to know it.

I love the area that I've moved to and the church community that God has allowed me to become a part of; but it has been hard not having someone on a daily basis to confide in and share companionship with. In college, it is amazing -- you are surrounded with hundreds of people your own age going through exactly what you are going through. My roommates and I were sisters. Even here, I have two cousins and a growing circle of friends -- but it isn't enough.

My Grandma said that God wants me to lean on Him, that He's prepared special things He wants me to do, and what I am learning now will be so important for later -- learning to be content with Jesus, only Jesus.

When I really think about it...I do have someone to confide in and share companionship. Duh, Christian. You have someone -- and not just any someone -- but Jesus to confide in. Oh, it sounds so cliche. That's because this is what we're told, what we hear -- What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear...I thought I already learned to confide in Him, but I guess I've been relying so much on others to fill me and help me lately that I've forgotten the true and lasting Source. I mean, I talk to God on a daily basis, but I don't always wait on Him or really spend time listening. According to His word, God already sees and knows me deeply. Even with a blessed church community, why do I always go to others? Dear readers, I confess I need your prayers. I want to go to God for my everything, not just when I need something. God hasn't done anything wrong; it's me. Mental picture: a woman beggard holding out an empty cup. No amount of anything else will do except Jesus.

As I reflect on where I am right now, I have this mental image of the sun. Last week we saw a lot of it! I even managed to get a sunburn on my spring break! In INDIANA! In April!! As I think about it, God is like the Sun and it's rays. The Sun and it's light are always there, but sometimes the weathering circumstances or my feelings can distract me from the Sun and the fact that it is my Source for life. I don't always see the Sun and feel it's warmth. The beauty of sunrays shooting through large puffy clouds never seems to change; it's like the sunrays have personality -- their efforts are always to shoot downward towards earth. Sometimes, a storm comes and it may be a few hours before daylight seems like reality again. This happens upon takeoff in a plane. You breeze through layers of clouds and sometimes thunderstorms, but on top of all of that -- you always have beautiful blue skies and clouds. A thunderstorm could be raging on beneath, but the perfect blue sky and Sun still remain. I have to remember the truth and the Source through these times. His truth and presence are ALWAYS there, regardless of the circumstances and what I may be feeling or experiencing. Jesus never promised that it would be easy -- whether it is me forgetting that He is my Source or trials coming my way. Just as there is a 40% chance of rain showers today, I have a 100% guarentee of His living Hope.

David went through this, too, "Why so downcast, Oh my Soul? Put your hope in God for I will yet praise Him". "I will YET" -- which means that I can anticipate God's hand in my life, which has been so evident already!

I haven't gotten all of this figured out yet and I need to spend time with him. I remember a card that my roommate put on my desk one time when we were in college. It said something like, "Bask in God's presence today like a cat in the sunlight, and don't be afraid to even get a little sunburnt!" Ha! What a thought!