Little Woman

When you are growing up, people tell you one of three things: a) you will never be able to rewind the clock, so you better enjoy it while you can, b) you're skinny, you can handle another ice cream cone, c) when I was your age, we NEVER did...

Well, I've come to the point where I am no longer a child. I feel in some way as if I am facing an iced glass window, just waiting for the reflection of my younger self to suddenly appear and cackle in my face. I don't want to wish I was younger. I just want to relish in the now. God has redeemed my past, so there is no longer a reason to look back with sore eyes and a mournful heart. Yes, I sinned. Yes, I was far from God. But GOD. God came and opened my eyes -- He romanced me and showed me that He wasn't interested in me for the "righteous acts" that I could do to service His cause, but that He was interested in my heart, my hurt, and my healing. He wanted ME. And now, I serve Him because I love Him. I love Adoni. That's what I keep coming back to -- my altar of stones where God first met with me. Where He REALLY met with me and I REALLY saw Him.

Whenever I'm discouraged, I know its because I've taken my eyes off of Him and, of course, His love for me. When I walk on the path He has for me -- sometimes consisting of dark places and bushy areas, sometimes full of mossy carpets and foggy visages, sometimes quietly peaceful little walkways where His sunlight paints my walkway -- I see Him and I trust Him, regardless of what is going on.

I've struggled with pride this week. Pride because I want to do what I want to do. Pride because I think I know whats best. Pride because I want it the way I want it. Tonight, I realized in a conversation with my granny -- one of the most precious women of God that I know -- that the reason I was upset and have been stressed this week is because I have been struggling with God. Daily, I just came to reason -- and I don't know why I keep reverting back to this! -- that God just was showing me that teaching wasn't really what I was supposed to do or that He was letting me fail or fall on my face for no reason. No! He says in His word that we will have many troubles, but to take heart! Because He has overcome! THE WORLD! What?! Yep. My pain isn't His fault. He will not let anything come that I cannot handle with His help.

"I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world." ~ John 16:33

No one tells you that when you become an adult that you may deal with loneliness as you wait for God's blessings to unfold. You are never told that you won't be perfect at your first job and that your first year of teaching is sometimes the pits (well, okay, so they tell you that in college -- but does that really count?). No one tells you that although you can buy what you want as an adult, that you don't really need to.

There is so much to learn. God is shaping me and making me a diligent woman. I may not be as mature as I should be -- as a responsible, adult-like woman, but I know that His spirit in me is my aid and advocate.

God, may I be the little woman you want me to be -- a shadow of your son, Jesus, and one that brings you glory.

I heard this song on the way home - through tears and rain -- which is a bad combination... Thankfully, God was watching out for me. It's by MERCY ME, called Bring the Rain.

I can count a million times
People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that I've gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You
Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain

I am Yours regardless of
The dark clouds that may loom above
Because You are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me
By suffering Your destiny
So tell me what's a little rain
So I pray

Holy, holy, holy
Is the Lord God Almighty