I'll never be wealthy.

I've come to a rather serious realization. Unless the Lord brings a magical cloud over my house that rains 50 lb solid-gold eggs.......I am not going to be very wealthy by American standards. I just finished figuring out the last student loan due dates, totals, and monthly payments -- and total -- it adds up to be more than my rent and utilities combined. Seriously, I don't know how I am going to do it. I know that the whole 50 lb solid-gold egg idea was written as a joke, but I really and truly and honestly do not know how it is going to work. I am living fairly cheaply as it is. I'm not sure what else I can do.

There is a special woman, mentor in my life. She is someone I talk to frequently by phone, and doesn't have a lot in terms of worldly possessions. Her apartment is tiny, she lives simply and wisely, and money never seems to worry her. The only times I've heard her discuss money were times when she was sharing with me ways to save money (and let me tell you, she had some great ideas!) or times when God has provided an exact amount for a bill she needed. To note, she ALWAYS has food or coffee to offer her guests as well. I've never left her home hungry and I've never been able to finish the food that she has offered.

God, am I missing something?

I can't imagine what life would be like at this moment if I had a child to support, too. Whoa.

The question that I've asked myself and my dad over the last few days was simply -- "Why is it that some people live in ginormous houses, are able to put their children through experience private schools, keep them in style, go on family vacation,...while others wonder how they are going to pay the bill that is due in the next few days."

I know its not because God loves one person or family less than the other. Is it because God thinks one family will be more responsible with more funds than the other? I don't know. And that really doesn't help me solve my dilemma, but the fact is this: I love both of my jobs. My heart really is at the high school I work at. I also love my other teaching job. On the other side of the spectrum, I work with adult students who need help in their businesses and careers here in America. Oh God, please -- you know my needs. I am worried. I know that you have opened the door for both of these jobs and you've blessed me tremendously. Thank you, Father. Please help me to work hard and diligently so they see it. Please grant me favor in their eyes (bosses and colleagues at both jobs). Both of the jobs are barely keeping my head above water. I don't know what to do.

If you happened to read this post today because you chose to or maybe because you were browsing and sort of stumbled onto it, please say a prayer for me. Pray that my faith would not fail during this time. Paying off student loans = big time of faith...Pray that God would help me to develop good habits that will keep me to be faithful in paying them and not avoid them (pretending they don't exist). Also, if you have a few extra minutes, I'd love to hear about how God has provided for you over the years. Please feel free to share lessons you had to learn and how God helped you to learn them.

We're in this together, right God?