Personal Retreat

I need a personal retreat.

During the last few days, I've really hungered for a personal retreat. Don't get me wrong, I love my job and the people that are in my life. But...sometimes, you just need to be alone to process, rethink things, be refreshed. Am I right? Well, the week subbing ended okay. After classes on Saturday, I stayed at the office and got organized and finished paperwork. I then remembered that a woman at my church had given me an invitation for a special worship service they were doing on Saturday night from 5-7 p.m. What was neat about this worship service was that you could come and go as you please, worship through song or artwork, journal, rest, pray, etc. It was wonderful. I arrived an hour late and by the time it ended I thought, Really? It's over already?

I need a personal retreat with God.

Today after church I met a friend for lunch and then decided to go to downtown Noblesville to a coffee shop. I brought my Bible, a good book, and two of my journals -- ready to regroup. I ended up calling my dad and sister and all of the emotions and elements of the future that are unsure just came rushing out through tears. I love them. They were such great listeners. They didn't act like they knew everything. They didn't try to conquer the conversation with all of their "experience." Dad just simply said, "Just one step at a time" and with that, peace. After a while, the conversation changed and my eyes dried; Kristen and I chatted for three hours! I am noticing her changing more and more. She is such a beautiful person, and the result of pain is making her more and more beautiful. It was GREAT to talk to her. I parked my car and walked around the quaint little town, describing the old brick buildings and little shops, sipping my coffee, reading the historical markers on some of the older buildings. My younger sister joined our conversation, too, and the three of us had such a blast chatting together. I cannot tell you how much I miss them. Even though I had a great time walking around and catching up with my sisters, I didn't leave feeling inwardly, personally renewed.

When I think about being refreshed, I usually see myself in a serene setting first-- whether it is outside underneath a tree during the summer months, in a window seat with a great book during a rainstorm, in my grandmother's spare bedroom, or in a bathtub of bubbles surrounded by vanilla candles. You may picture a spa in the mountains, a cozy nap on the couch, a walk in the woods...All of those pictures are great and believe me, I've had lots of outdoor walks and returned feeling completely refreshed. However, those alone are incomplete pictures of what being refreshed looks like. They are missing something. If God isn't present -- no, if God isn't communed with...then I usually don't leave being refreshed. The place is just the whipped cream, the topping, the desert. But being with God, communing with Him, seeking what He wants, listening and obeying...that is the main course.

Through both of these experiences, I felt like the settings were perfect, but I didn't fully get what my heart needed. And even though I was able to sleep in this morning because we didn't have worship or choir practice, the extra sleep refreshes my body -- but my heart still needs to be refreshed. When I was in China (this exact time last year), I remember being miserable and anxious because of the circumstances. Now that I reflect back on those experiences, I remember God bringing me various pictures throughout the day that brought me such sweet peace. Memories of being with my cousin, Valerie, in Mesick and Frankfurt. Pictures of friends, family, our farm, times of comfort, my dad. God also brought me several of my favorite movie soundtracks that also helped me to remember the times of peace before. So, pictures and music are indeed important. God sometimes brings pictures to our minds to remind us of His goodness and instances in the past where He has come through and shown Himself faithful. The pictures themselves without God don't do anything -- but they had significance because God gave them significance! The only true refreshment I can find will be in the presence of God.

I still need a personal retreat with God. I know it is coming soon. While I wait, I will be faithful.

Much love to you, my Readers...

"Pick me up, Daddy!"

Last night at choir practice, the music director read a chapter from a book on worship during our devotions. The author painted a very real picture for me with one of his illustrations. {I have embellished some parts to this picture so that you could see what I saw!} Imagine a father and little three or four year old child getting into an elevator. With each new floor stop, more and more people try to cram into the increasingly heavy box, hoping to get to their meetings and work within minutes. With every new passenger, the little child clings to her Daddy's hand more, shifting with him as each new passenger comes with their own unique shape and style, luggage and disposition. Pretty soon, there is barely enough room to blink and what is resting at eye level for the little four year old is nothing but belt buckels, purses and bags, and an ever-swinging elbow that barely grazes her scalp. There is just enough space to see the red "stop" at the bottom of the other floor buttons. How the little four year old wishes she could reach through the trafficking legs and bodies, pressing the stop and open buttons, pushing all the others out to leave her with alone with her Daddy and peaceful space. She looks up among all the heads of people -- tumbling curls hanging above her, a hat shifting the shadows from the lights above, a man with a hairy nose, and finally -- her Daddy -- still holding her hand and looking confidently at the lit up floor number resting on the half-circle in which they are to exit from. Reaching up with outstretched arms and fingers, the child says with desperation, "Daddy, please! Pick me up, Daddy!" -- and something in my heart resonated with something in that little child's heart.

Father, I need a new perspective on this job-hunting thing. And with the future. I feel like I am that little child -- and all I see are belt buckles and purses and the ever-swinging elbow of finances coming back and forth at me. God, I know you will provide and I believe you will provide. Please help me to keep my mind from all the things that are temporary (those things that will exit the elevator) and from the things that Satan wants me to speculate about and doubt about. God, help me to work hard, trust you, and wait patiently. Please give me peace about the future. As I did the dishes the other day, You spoke so personally and genuinely to my heart, saying that you would never leave me without provision. Father, I am calling out and seeking your face above the things of this world -- draw me close to you. Pick me up so that I can have a new perspective on things. I worship you, Lord. You have a purpose and a plan for our lives, and you will not abandon us! I pray all of these things in the power of Jesus' name with confidence and faith. Amen.

Dear Readers, I am anticipating God's hand! I can't wait to share another, "IT JUST SO HAPPENS..." story with you! Please pray that God would continue to show up in miraculous ways and show me what He wants for me. I trust him! Please pray that God would show me the things I need to do to get a full-time teaching job here. I know He will provide -- I believe that it is just a matter of time!