A Fresh Start

Hello, friends!

I am back in the blog-writing mode and ready for something new. Looking back over the past few entries -- gosh! Isn't it crazy how we go through tough seasons? Its evident what we're acting out in -- faith or fear. I think I spent too much time giving way for anxiety to rule instead of trying to look for the things God was doing in the midst.

So here's my new beginning (via cyberspace).

Updates on life:
~Kristen got married on Sunday. It was WAY more fun than I thought it would be, and I enjoyed the time home immensely. We had a FANTASTIC bachelorette party and such a fun time despite the crazy mess-ups at the ceremony and reception (and there were quite a few!) Although things aren't going to be easy for them, I see God's hand in the midst. I continue to pray and wait to hear/see how God provides. Kristen texted me yesterday....lonely already... (Justin was at work). I know she is going to need me a lot now. God, please help me to be a faithful friend to Kristen and source of comfort.

~God provided a car! As many of you might know, I was struck by the "bad things happen in three" theory a few weeks ago. First, my computer crashed (which, amazingly, I am now using again somehow!), then my old buick was swallowed by a pothole that broke the frame (which was unrepairable), and now I am facing decisions that will affect my living situation. AHH! So, to say the least, there were a few weeks that were really rough because I didn't have any answers and wasn't sure where things were going -- aka -- I was trying to figure it all out in my own strength. I took about three weeks to look for a car and finally found a GREAT deal. Granted, my car is kinda like a fancy nursing home on wheels (07 Grand Marquis) or a tank for the elderly (because its HUGE), but it is SUPER nice and I got it for a good price. Thanks, Lord! Help me to take such good care of it!

~Last week, I attended a two-day conference called, Beyond Diversity. It was excellent. The idea was to speak up about race instead of letting it be this taboo topic. I really enjoyed the perspectives. It also reminded me of how much social injustice makes me upset. We discussed the idea of "examining the presence and role of whiteness" --- or the idea that we have what's called "white privilege" and we don't even realize it. Sure, black people have the same rights and freedoms that everyone else does now, but they are still treated differently. It was very interesting. I felt like my heart reached on every emotion -- sadness for how people are treated -- these people, my brothers and sisters; annoyance for the opposite side of the spectrum -- that there is reverse racism on white people (that WASN'T really talked about). Overall, it was really good though. I thought a lot about my ESL students - mostly Hispanic. They encounter the same issues and battles. Even today in class, I walked around and talked with different students about a writing assignment they had about Spring Break. One of my students was talking about how she was going to Mexico for the first time and how she was so excited. To have EVERYTHING in SPANISH! WOW! Then, she said that her mom had told her that, "You won't have to worry! [In Mexico,] You can walk anywhere and not worry about the cops stopping you or taking you away" --- and there, I saw it again. Phew. To live with that fear gnawing at your strength in the back of your mind...especially as a 12 year old.

Social Injustice makes me sick.


~Over the last week, I met two different guys who asked for my number (at separate times :P). Don't get too excited. I didn't exactly meet them in places where I want to meet Mr. Right. Can I just ask this simple question? Why is it that when I'm at a place where there aren't any Christians that guys come up and ask me out, but then in Christian circles, I feel like it takes FOREVER for ANYONE to make a move??? I mean, its not like I dress immodestly to attract the wrong type of attention or anything, nor do I change who I am to impress them. ARG.

I read a devotional by Oswald Chambers yesterday that helped bring me back to reality. Obviously, its not going to work with someone who doesnt love God. Its like trying to mix oil and water. Oswald talked about thinking ahead to the end result of whatever emotion you are experiencing -- if the end result doesn't please God, then you're done. You know that its not worth it.

"Much of the distress we experience as Christians comes not as the result of sin, but because we are ignorant of the laws of our own nature. For instance, the only test we should use to determine whether or not to allow a particular emotion to run its course in our lives is to examine what the final outcome of that emotion will be. Think it through to its logical conclusion, and if the outcome is something that God would condemn, put a stop to it immediately. But if it is an emotion that has been kindled by the Spirit of God and you don’t allow it to have its way in your life, it will cause a reaction on a lower level than God intended." (Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, March 22)

I went on a separate date with one of them, and the whole time it was so obvious that the only pieces of me that could relate to him were part of my carnal nature. It stinks. He was so attractive and the whole time I sat there, I really wanted to relate with him. ARG. Why do I keep meeting attractive guys who don't care about God?! He texted me throughout the weekend and then we chatted on facebook --- if the ending won't please God, I just want it to end. Any thoughts or perspectives on this??

Oh and P.S. >> You may get a kick out of this -- the first guy who asked for my number contacted me and upon greeting me, said "Hey Sweetie Pie" -- I was turned off immediately and didn't return his call. HAHAHA. You don't know me. You have no right to call me that. BLECH.

So, that area of my life has been really interesting. God knows all about this. I just need to focus on being myself and trusting him.


Well, thank goodness, I finally have some GOOD things to report on! Lord, I need a fresh mindset. Create in me a clean and undivided heart, and renew a loyal and steadfast spirit within me.