Yesterday, May 1, I moved into my new house. I didn't realize how little I had brought with me when I moved to Indiana just because I wasn't sure how long I would stay or what God had in store. The biggest thing I have now is a beautiful, almost-new sleigh bed that I bought off of Craig's list for a fantastic deal! I hope that that was a wise decision. What if I move into a little apartment next and cannot fit the bed inside it? Oh, I hope that doesn't happen. There are so many things you don't think about when moving into a house. Trash cans. Bottle openers. Spices. Dishes. Night Stands. There are so many little things that I still need to get...
Moving in was a little weird. I was the only one to move myself in. My roommate and her fiance (a recent, exciting development) were at a wedding and I didn't have that much to move in anyway, but it was still weird to be the only one around. I know this is going to be a transition. I can feel it. The biggest thing that I've been thinking about lately is When am I going to finally feel settled? Don't get me wrong, I love to travel and explore and experience new things -- but I am, surprisingly, feeling this need to just settle, to find something stable and sure. I don't want to keep moving around from place to place. Now with my roommate engaged, who knows what will happen when we reach the end of the new lease in six months? God, you know all about this. I ask for peace. Help me to feel peace and rest about living here and what you have for my future. I think it would be easier if family weren't so far away. Even though I have two cousins here, I hardly ever see them -- maybe once every month? Sometimes it is longer.
Moving in was also odd because I've been sick for about a week now. I have a lot of congestion and pressure in my forehead and sinuses. When you have to haul heavy duffel bags upstairs and you have a raging headache or continual cough, that doesn't make for a smooth transition either. Being sick has really affected me this week. I missed a day and a half of work, a whole Saturday worth of classes -- and it seems like it is staying the same. I've been taking medicine, but it has been miserable in the process, just waiting to get better.
God, thank you for providing and leading the way. Thank you for helping me daily. Thank you for your presence. This week, I've been continually reminded that I need your grace and strength and presence. What is next for me, God? That is the exact question I asked you when I moved here a few months ago and was living with some friends from my church. And, faithful as you are, you answered incredibly! You lead and guided and made a way for me. So now, Lord, my prayer is -- What is next for me? I need community and friendship. I was not made to live alone. God, would you please fill me? Would you please provide for this need? Help me to remember that you created me with that go-getter personality that has spunk. Help me to not sulk, but to go and pursue life actively. Help me to share your good news and open the doors for the truth to be heard. As I've been thinking about my job at LTC as an ESL teacher, I've been catching myself thinking or waiting for an end point...like you would have in college with the end of a practicum. But, this is not practicum. This is the real deal, a professional position that I must uphold and do my best in. It feels weird. Someone asked me how long I would be there. I have no idea. I was thinking...for...? I have no idea. Again, I feel that longing for something stable. I want to know when I drive home and park my car that it is in my driveway, at my house, on my land - and that I want to be there, that there is community there and people that need me and I need them. Oh Lord, only you know what I am trying to articulate. I give this to you.
Until next time,
Mary
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