Clay that needs to Return

I recently visited a good friend to plan for a purity retreat that I will be speaking at in January. On my way, I began to hear a soft clicking noise come from my engine. I had heard it that morning on my way to school, but now the noise was getting louder. I called my dad about it and described the issue. I got easily offended as he was trying to help. My pride got the better of me. Because I don't like the fact that I don't know anything about cars, I got mad at him and tried to cover it up with snooty comments, trying to prove I wasn't ignorant. It didn't help that it was pouring rain either. ARG. How dumb, right? I think that same tendancy happens with sports. All of my cousins are really into sports, and my interest hasn't ever been that huge. Sure, I enjoy a game, but I don't know all the players, their names, and their favorite brand of toothpaste like my cousins do (they're great). So, there again, I feel like I need to either compensate and act like I do know what I am talking about, or just say nothing. It's that pride and insecurity that seems to come back up again. I am confident about this thought: I am not taking steps back, but forward. This is just the next step.

So, my story doesn't end there. By the time I finally got my car back on the road, I was tired, soaked, and mad. I just cried. I was frustrated with myself. It seemed as if that took that cake. It was like all of the other frustrations I had about myself came down. I knew I was wrong and had talked to my dad wrongly. I called him and apologized, but afterwords, I just got so upset with myself. My lack of discipline, my lack of this and that. I called my friend, let her know I'd be late, and arrived later still annoyed with myself. She knew that I was upset and had been praying for me. Then God spoke.

Beth shared a few verses from Jeremiah. God had spoke to her while she was praying for me and the verses he sent surprised her. I've been reading Jeremiah, too, lately, and it seems like it is all doom and gloom, death and destruction. However, these few verses that God had sent talked about however long the law will last, that is how long His love with last.

I won't ever not need Him, and I know that. But, I need to Return to Him once again, seeking more than just change in myself. Do I really believe that it is His character I need to have faith in? He will change me. He will. The woman who hemorraged for 12 long years was finally healed because she pursued Jesus, touching him with her faith.