Life has been really tough lately, but someone told me today that the situations I am going through are evidence of God's love. I know that she was right, but why does God's love hurt so much right now? I know that those words are said from my eyes being found on the problem, not on the big picture of what God can do.
You see, I can be very insecure. I don't know where all of these insecurities began to root, but they have taken an interesting growth channel - and woven themselves into my life in various areas. I have been left humbled now, and so unable to do anything about what happened. I hate learning these lessons when I am in the midst of them. Yesterday, I was actually praising God for the situation, today -- that was definitely a test. I don't even know how to pray -- nothing seems to touch His Spirit or get above my ceiling.
My insecurities have spread and influenced other areas of my life other than my personal life. When it was just my personal life, I could handle it. It only affected me. Now, I had to learn things the hard way and things could be worse than I am thinking, or better than what I am thinking -- I just hate being in limbo. Again, I don't even know how to pray.
To those of you who browse my blog once in a while, I know this all must sound so vague. Please, just pray for me. God has the answers, I need to wait on Him, trust Him. Tonight as I climbed the stairs to my bedroom, I just pleaded with God - "God, I've never been through anything like this before -- You've gotta help me trust in you. God, please"
God - You are so much bigger than all of this -- all of my concerns and the issues that I think are so huge. You see way beyond my situations and each day until I graduate. Please, help me to desire you and your will above myself and my will. Help me to surrender this to you. Your Word promises me that you daily bear my burdens. God -- help me to choose to give them to you.
Help me to see your face in this situation. Please, I just need to see your face, God.
